The Adventures of PCB

It's time to blog about the convent!

2010-04-25T13:43:00.000-07:00

Now that I have announced to my students that I am leaving JPII to enter the Dominican convent next year, I can officially blog about my story. I also want to share my story for all those who are generously considering offering a donation to help me retire my student loan debt. In order to enter religious life one cannot have debt.

I first heard my vocational call, quite literally, in the middle of the night, my freshmen year at Notre Dame. I was asleep, and I was awoken from my dream by the sound of someone calling my name. The voice was clear, crisp and distinct, but I was so disoriented and alarmed, I was not sure what was taking place. I decided I was still dreaming, so I tried to go back to sleep. Then it happened a second time, I heard my name, very clearly and distinctly and I knew I was not asleep. And it sounded like my mother's voice. At this time I thought the Lord was trying to communicate to me that something was wrong at home. I was not yet familiar with the call of Samuel in the Bible (http://www.usccb.org/nab/bible/1samuel/1samuel3.htm). The next morning it dawned on me that I was being called to religious life.

My first reaction was fear and denial. I knew the Lord was calling me but I did not see anything attractive about religious life. I knew I could not say, "No" to the Lord, so I decided to just put off answering the call. The next strong pull occurred when I was studying abroad the following year in Angers, France. When I had some distance from college social life, I began to be attracted to religious life and I decided to explore the possibility when I returned to campus. It wasn't until my senior year that I sat down with a great priest from Notre Dame, Fr. Paul Doyle.

I told Fr. Doyle my story and he said, "Courtney there could be two explanations for your experience. You could be truly called by God or you could have still been in the in between awake and consciousness state when you heard God's voice. Only you can determine if God is truly calling you. And if God is calling you, the only choice is to go." I was not yet ready to hear the "Go" part of Fr. Doyle's advice. I did not know any sisters or nuns personally and I had very little knowledge about religious life. Although my faith has always been very important to me, the thought of laying down my entire life for Jesus was still terrifying. So I continued to wait.

And I waited for 6 years total after the initial call. At different , quiet points in my life, I felt the "tug" but I lacked the maturity and the conviction. As a result I had a hard time finding God's purpose for me and I begin to feel increasingly listless. After living and working in Chicago for three years I decided to move home to Nashville to "find my purpose" but I still wasn't ready to address that vocation issue.

I joined a Bible study at the Cathedral of the Incarnation in Nashville with my mother. I knew I needed to focus on my relationship with God and strengthen that bond in order to truly find out what He wanted me to do. The amazing part was as soon as I turned to God for answers, He literally began to pour them into my heart. Every week of the Bible study brought the "vocation question" to the forefront of my mind with increasing urgency. I finally decided to call the Dominican Motherhouse in Nashville and signed up for a vocation retreat.

At the retreat I not only knew God was calling me, I knew he was calling me to be a Dominican Sister. Given that I studied philosophy at Notre Dame, their charisms of studying, preaching and teaching are perfectly natural for me. God also pointed me to JPII where I began my first year of teaching and found that it was an undiscovered passion.

So to make this lengthy story brief, I heard an initial call in my dorm room at the University of Notre Dame and that call has been confirmed throughout various moments of my life. It was the Bible study that enabled me to truly give my heart to Jesus and once I opened that door, the graces poured in that enabled me to formally pursue the process of becoming His bride.

I feel more happiness, peace and joy than I have ever felt in my life. I am so excited for all the beautiful adventures God has planned for me. And I am even more excited to spend my life teaching and bringing God's children back to Him.

Please check out the Dominican's website for more information about the order:

http://nashvilledominican.org/

Thank you for reading my story and please consider a donation to help me reach my goal.

God Bless, pcb.

"If anyone says, 'I love God' but hates his neighbor, he is a liar." -1 John 4:20

2010-02-06T18:09:00.000-08:00

Reflecting on humility and social justice makes me wonder about the heart-wrenching issues in our society.

It seems that everyone has their own theory about how to cultivate love. If only we had a responsible fiscal policy that allocated funds efficiently, the world would have enough food. If only we outlawed handguns, murder would not be so prolific. If only we voted for the right president, or the right legislators, unborn children would not be murdered. If only we voted for the right president, grown men would not be sacrificed in Iraq for the greed of our country. If only our legislators were more compassionate, we would have universal healthcare. If our justice system wasn't so biased we wouldn't use prisons as holding cells for the mentally ill and our country would not systematically execute minorities. If only children were educated properly, we'd have less violence and unplanned pregnancy and more scholars.

It seems as if everyone has their own independent plan to cure the world's ills and not only is that plan the most comprehensive, it is completely incompatible with every other plan. So we remain with injustice and confusion and breed discourse and animosity as well. As I dig deep into social issues and wonder why people who are so passionate about saving babies often times aren't as passionate about feeding the poor or rescuing black men from our criminal justice system, I feel bitterness grow in my own heart. And then I realize that passion for these issues can often breed division as opposed to love, thus taking us away from Christ, not closer to Him. If Jesus loves Republicans, then so must I.

And that bring us to the Bible. over 2000 years ago, John told us quite simply, "Whoever is without love does not know God, for God is love" (1 John 4:8). It must begin with God. Why can't we feed each other? Why can't we live in peace? Because we do not know how to love each other. And why can't we love each other? Because everyone does not know God. We cannot legislate love and we cannot legislate love for God, so we cannot legislate justice.

So now I see that although we must work diligently towards justice, our energy and our passion must focus on love for God and thus love for neighbor. Because as John said, "...if we love one another, God remains in us, and His love is brought to perfection in us" (1 John 4:12). Amazing. God has already solved ALL our problems for us by loving us and dying for us to show us how to love each other. GLORY BE TO GOD!!! Amen.

Humble and Contrite Hearts

2010-01-29T19:53:00.000-08:00

*For Alexa and Dominic ;)*

I have been thinking a lot lately about humility and how it is a lost virtue. Thomas Merton has several great reflections on humility and one in particular states, "The reason why we do things so badly is that we are not content to do what we can." That reflection is so powerful. Humility has many dimensions. We can think of humility as cultivating our own talent and offering it to God, as opposed to being jealous of the talents of others or trying to cultivate a talent we do not possess.

Humility is also knowing that we can learn from others. One huge lesson I have learned this year is the value of talking less and listening more. We often think we have the best to offer and contribute to a conversation, yet we learn more from others when we listen to them attentively.

Humility is knowing creation is only good because we share in the supreme goodness of our Creator. If we are tempted to think we are good in and of ourselves, we miss a valuable opportunity to glorify God. God revealed to St. Catherine of Sienna,"You are she who is not, and I am the One who Is. Let your soul be penetrated with this truth and the Enemy can never lead you astray." Humility enables us to recognize God's graces and how much God moves in our lives.

And of course C.S. Lewis has great reflections on humility. "Humility is not thinking less of yourself but thinking of yourself less." I am often surprised and disheartened about how much I think about myself in the course of a day. Especially in prayer, I find myself distracted by reflecting on myself and not on God. And as I think about it, it is really quite absurd. Our God is full of power and might and mercy and grace and beauty, how could I possibly be distracted by my own self? What is most disconcerting is that we miss out on knowledge of God when we are distracted by ourselves.

Humility also enables us to GROW enormously, because the more aware we are of God's power and might and the more conscience we are of our shortcomings, the more ready we are to ask for assistance in overcoming those shortcomings. Not only do all signs point to God's generosity, but it's exciting how all signs also point to God's deep desire to make us like Him. Amen! St. Catherine of Sienna, pray for us!

cui servire regnare est

2009-11-01T19:49:00.000-08:00

To serve Him is perfect freedom- an ancient Latin phrase that was featured in last month's Magnificat. That phrase is so full of goodness. It is so beautiful to meditate on the fact that the fulfillment of our purpose, to love and serve the Lord, liberates us.

So what is the alternative? Restlessness. Augustine comments, Our heart is restless until it rests in you. And that sums up the human condition so perfectly, as well as the American condition.

We had a fantastic speaker at the Diocesan teacher inservice. In reference to our American culture he brought up a comment he heard that describes America's priorities as, More is better. Faster is better. How true!

But how were we made? Fr. Andre Louf wrote in his meditation On the Lookout, God knows that humans are by nature slow and even slothful, and that it takes a long time for us to become mature adults and finally to bear fruit. It has not been given to humans to reach perfection overnight; our conversion requires much time.

To serve Him is perfect freedom...Our heart is restless until it rests in you...Our conversion requires much time...The Lord gives us all we need exactly when we need it. We have to be still, be vigilant, be prayerful, but most of all to be patient. To serve him is not only freedom from the evils of this world, but it is freedom from our own selves and our restlessness.

If we were to determine our fulfillment, if everything were to happen on our terms, nothing would be enough, and we would become increasingly restless. America is the prime example of what happens when humanity lets its impulses run rampant.

We, as humans, have the tendency to love each other, or own selves, more than God. And when our love is disordered, we cannot be fulfilled. We are restless. When we try to find fulfillment in each other, we will always come up short. And the ironic part is that we actually love each other more, when we love God first. We love each other BETTER when we love God first.

When we love the Lord as we should, we not only cease to worry, but we cease to hunger. If we labor with patience for the Lord, then our self-imposed burdens are lifted. All of a sudden the love and the peace of the Lord is our nourishment and we are finally satiated. How good is our God? He is so faithful! Glory be to God! Alleluia!

Jesus IS THE GOOD SAMARITAN!!!!

2009-10-05T21:17:00.000-07:00

I have to thank Fr. Baker for the inspiration for this blog. His homily really blew me away this evening. The gospel was Luke's version of the Good Samaritan. I love the Good Samaritan story. It's Social Justice 101, and it was one of the first stories we covered in class. I've already blogged on it because it is a perfect example of how Christians often disregard the poor in our daily lives. BUT there is more. Who knew that Jesus IS the Good Samaritan?

So we all hear the Good Samaritan and walk away with the message of compassion and how we should be compassionate to the poor. Go above and beyond for them, that's what Jesus would do. And we see the hypocrisy of those religious figures who do not have compassion for the poor.

But Fr.Baker said that's not the point. The point is that Jesus is in fact the Good Samaritan and that humanity is the beaten, disregarded Jew on the side of the road. Humanity was not saved by priests or pious people. JESUS had to step into humanity to save us. And not only that, Jesus took us to the inn, and said He would be coming back. So the inn is the church and that is where we are nourished until Jesus returns. MIND BLOWN.

Another important dimension of this new perspective on the Good

Samaritan is that it reinforces Jesus' message that the church is His body on Earth. Jesus not only left us His Advocate, so we would not be orphans, but He left the church. The church not only brings us Christ in the Holy Eucharist, but it unites us through fellowship and solidarity in ways in which we would not otherwise be united. It is truly Christ's temple on Earth.

It is so amazing to think about all the ways the Bible points to Jesus as our Lord and Savior. It's so awe inspiring and exciting because, as Fr. Baker so eloquently said, if we seek Jesus, we will find him. We have but to look for Jesus and He is everywhere. We simply must open our eyes.

And that is so true for every faith journey. We don't have to depend on ourselves or our own strength or ability. If that isn't Good News, I don't know what is. Praise Baby Jesus!

Man Does Not Live By Bread Alone

2009-07-23T18:29:00.000-07:00

"He therefore let you be afflicted with hunger, and then fed you with manna, a food unknown to you and your fathers, in order to show you that not by bread alone does man live, but by every word that comes forth from the mouth of the Lord." (Deut 8:3)

I have given a lot of thought about how I am going to

teach my students growing up in this world that celebrates pride and luxury about the divine virtues of humility and poverty. As I read Pope Benedict XVI's Jesus of Nazareth, I have not only become more cognoscente of exactly how brilliant our pope is, but I see how Jesus' redemption, and thus humanity's redemption, is the compelling answer to our modern dilemma.

Benedict XVI so eloquently states, "It is in this world that we are obliged to resist the delusions of false philosophies and to recognize that we do not live by bread alone, but first and foremost by obedience to God's word. Only when this obedience is put into practice does the attitude develop that is also capable of providing bread for all."

The theme of appetite is reoccurring. Temperance of appetite is the quintessential human predicament. Our overindulgence of all goods (food, sex, posessions) has usurped God's primacy. Benedict XVI state's, "At the heart of all temptation, as we see here, is the act of pushing God aside because we perceive him as secondary, if not actually superfluous and annoying, in comparison with all the apparently far most urgent matters that fill our lives."

Benedict XVI makes it clear that we cannot serve God as we should, we cannot assign God His proper place in our lives, until we have first been nourished by the word of God, made manifest in Jesus Christ. And that nourishment compels us to live justly, thus alleviating the injustice that we impose on others.

And then the question arises, how much should and can we do to alleviate injustice? Is it backwards to work for justice, as opposed to working to spread the word of God? If we simultaneously preach the Good News and work for justice, is faith given its proper place?

FEED MY SHEEP!!!!!

2009-07-07T17:47:00.000-07:00

Last week I attended a Catholic youth group event in downtown Nashville. As I was exiting the church with a friend, we were approached by a homeless man. He was clearly drunk or on drugs. He asked us for money and we gave the typical response, "I can't give you money, but if you are hungry I can buy you something to eat." He replied, "Never mind, I just need a few dollars, I can see you are busy with your conversation. Never mind. I was just thinking you might have a few dollars, never mind." And he walked away.

So naturally we looked at each other and began to analyze the situation. We did what we were supposed to do right? Yet my conscience begged to differ. As the man walked away I knew I hadn't properly addressed his problem, but somehow I couldn't see the solution. Literally a few feet from the entrance of a church, two Christians could not figure out how to be Christ to a man in desperation. And the man walked away unsatisfied.

One of the final stories in the gospel of John

is that of Jesus and Peter.

Jesus asks Peter, "Simon, son of John,

do you love me more than these?"

He [Peter] said to him, "Yes, Lord, you know that I love you."

He [Jesus] said to him, "Feed my lambs."

He then said to him a second time,

"Simon, son of John, do you love me?"

He said to him, "Yes, Lord, you know that I love you."

He said to him, "Tend my sheep."

He said to him a third time, "Simon, son of John, do you love me?"

Peter was distressed that he had said to him a third time, "Do you love me?" and he said to him, "Lord you know everything; you know that I love you."

Jesus said to him, "Feed my sheep."

This passage is so powerful and I never realized it until now. I, much like Peter, always wondered why Jesus repeated his question three times. It must be for emphasis, was my final conclusion.

Then I was reading a book about the Catholic worker and how Dorothy Day and Peter Maurin preached the Corporal and Spiritual Works of Mercy in regard to serving the poor. In one of his essays Peter writes,

"In the first centuries

of Christianity

the hungry were fed

at a personal sacrifice,

the naked were clothed

at a personal sacrifice,

the homeless were sheltered

at a personal sacrifice.

And because the poor

were fed, clothed, and sheltered

at a personal sacrifice,

the pagans used to say

about the Christians,

'See how they love each other.'"

And then my "Aha" moment came. Jesus, in His gentle manner, wasn't just simply repeating His question to Peter, He was imploring Peter to search his conscience for the depth of his love to see how much he could sacrifice to "feed my sheep." And Jesus had to repeat, had to all but grab Peter by the shoulders and shake him, because our human tendency and hardness of heart often leads us to forget that truly acting out of love requires deep meditation and sacrifice. And poor Peter was so confused because he knew he loved Jesus, but much like myself, he just didn't get it.

The Lord clearly told us to "Love thy neighbor as thyself" and then just in case we didn't get it, gave us many parables, including the one of the Good Samaritan. And even at the conclusion of the Good Samaritan Jesus goes so far as to DEFINE who our neighbor is. Once again, Christ is all but grabbing us by the shoulders and shaking us, imploring, "FEED MY SHEEP!!!" But sometimes we still don't get it.

The Good Samaritan didn't encounter a man on the side of the road and do the minimum.

He picked the Jewish man up in his arms, at a time when Jewish people looked down upon Samaritans, and acted out of true love and charity by providing for that man's every need. And who even knows the Samaritan's financial status. I imagine he wasn't wealthy because he remarked that if the innkeeper need more money he would have to pay it on his way back.

And so my thoughts are brought back to the moral dilemma of the desperate homeless man. I did not address his desperation with charity and kindness. I could have done much more than offer food to a man that wasn't asking for food. He was asking for compassion. We could have prayed with the man, and invited him to eat with us in order to take the time to respond to his need. We could have offered to call a mission to pick the man up if he needed a place to stay. We could have showed the general interest and concern we would have showed if a friend of ours had stumbled into that parking lot in desperation.

MORALITY - " God was the 'sort of person who is always snooping around to see if anyone is enjoying himself and then trying to stop it."

2009-06-22T13:36:00.000-07:00

I've been dancing around moral topics so I might as well dive in. Morality cannot be thoroughly discussed in one blog, so I hope this will be "Morality Part One", and if it is of interest I can continue.

For some reason I have only recently made the connection between morality and love. Love is the precondition for Christian morality. Given the recent revolution that has taken place in my heart and my relationship with the Lord I feel very inspired to share (not in detail of course;) ) my own struggles with morality in hopes that it will help others to once and for all walk away from those "gray areas" that inhibit us from truly loving and serving the Lord.

God is love. In John 14:15, Jesus says "If you love me, you will keep my commandments.And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Advocate to be with you always, the Spirit of truth, which the world cannot accept, because it neither sees nor knows it. But you know it, because it remains with you, and will be in you. I will not leave you orphans; I will come to you." This is a great passage to read, reflect and pray upon. Jesus, in a few powerful sentences, has given us the formula for how to effectively live the Christian life. If we allow ourselves to truly fall in love with God, then we will not only be obligated to keep God's commandments, we will be compelled to do so. In loving the Lord, we enable ourselves to perceive the Spirit's presence in us, and the Spirit gives us our strength. How beautiful. We have but to love the Lord, and He gives us all we need. Literally! How good is God's grace!

C.S. Lewis has a great discussion of morality and Christian behavior in Mere Christianity. He begins discussing morality by saying, "There is a story about a schoolboy who was asked what he thought God was like. He replied that, as far as he could make out, God was the 'sort of person who is always snooping around to see if anyone is enjoying himself and then trying to stop it.' " This simple anecdote has a lot of truth to it. Our relationship with the Lord is a conditional one. We must love the Lord with our whole hearts and our whole minds. And of course love is an action. There is a surrender of our will and our own desires that is a prerequisite for loving the Lord.

Many people resist Christianity on the basis that it is contrary to human nature. God is seen as this celestial parent who is unfair, constantly nagging us to obey Him. How can Christianity possibly be true when so many people have so much trouble keeping its commandments? The irony is that Jesus Christ is the answer to that question. Jesus did and continues to do for us what we cannot do for ourselves.

The beauty of God is that God knows us infinitely better than we could ever know ourselves. Yet He still gives us chances to succeed, where He knows we will fail, in order to show us that He has faith in us, so surely we can put our trust in Him. The Old Testament is full of stories of how God gives His chosen people chance after chance after chance to obey Him. And in the greatest act of love, God then responds to our indignation by doing for us what we cannot do for ourselves. And all of this is done so that we may dwell in Him, and Him in us, so that we may experience pure and sincere joy. God's grace is truly incomprehensible.

So how do we love God? As Jesus so eloquently stated, "keep my commands." ALL OF THEM. Lewis says, "We have all departed from that total plan in different ways, and each of us wants to make out that his own modification of the original plan is the plan itself." It's not easy. No one but Jesus Himself has managed to do it. But God in His infinite love and grace gave us another part of Himself, the Holy Spirit, to call upon when (not if) things become difficult. And if we but call upon the Lord, He will help us. Children of God are really quite spoiled.

So personally, once I started giving up those things that were not of the Lord (alot of my music, tv, movies, clothes, conduct towards men) the results were immediate! The Lord gave me the strength to no longer be tempted by that which was not pleasing to Him. It's just the beginning, I have a lot more work to do, but I am just so amazed and awestruck by God's grace. God is so good that He facilitates our journey to Him by showing us that He is our joy! We cannot be truly happy until we love God as we should. And it makes perfect sense. In our own relationships with each other, once we fall in love, we find sacrifice is not only feasible, it can be a joyful expression of our devotion to our beloved. So if we can love the created as we should, then of course we can (and should) love the Creator that much more.

Strong Men

2009-06-08T08:18:00.000-07:00

I have noticed a growing trend of men struggling to succeed and I have wondered if my own bitterness gave me a jaded perspective, or if there was in fact a cultural trend of men having difficultly growing into healthy adults.

I think it is very true that society, in a particularly sick way, is doing all it can to pollute the minds of youth and warp them into hypersexual consuming monsters. And the truth as with all

things, is that if parents are unable (or ill-equipped) to step up to the plate to combat the bombardment of negative messaging, youth truly become victims who are forced to fend for themselves.

What's interesting is the result has become strong women vs. strong men. When homes become broken, more often than not, women are left to raise the children. The end result damages both

girls and boys, but the damage on the male psyche seems to be more permanent.

In her book, "Let Boys Be Boys: 7 Secrets to Raising Healthy Sons." Dr. Meg Meeker published the following statistics:

72% of girls graduate from high school while 65% of boys graduate
44% of college grads are men while 56% are women
10% of boys under the age of 13 have had sexual intercourse, compared with 4% of girls
63% of male high school seniors have had sex

Dr. Meeker's findings are very interesting and her books are thought provoking and are correct in calling parents to take responsibility. What's also interesting is that Dr. Meeker does promote a bit of misogyny by stating, "You can't have a revolution without causalities and in the feminist revolution , the causalities were boys." I think that statement has some truth in the fact that there is a false feminism that demonizes men instead of uplifting women. Clearly women can not be empowered at the expense of men, but men can not be rescued at the expense of women either.

Rather than point the finger at women, the ones who are often the heroines when men leave them to single handily raise families, the finger should be pointed at families in general. Both men and women are responsible for the healthy upbringing of the children they create and both women and men play a vital, valuable role in that process. Our goal should be to ensure that every person grows up with an understanding of their dignity and strength.

Love Thee Notre Dame

2009-05-17T19:08:00.000-07:00

As a gradute of the University of Notre Dame, I have been waiting and waiting to tackle the huge controversy of President Obama speaking at the 164th Commencement Celebration of my alma mater. After watching both President Jenkins's address and Obama's speech I have never been more proud to call myself a domer.

I love that Father Jenkins destroyed all arguments against the inconsistency of the invitation by voicing his disapproval of Obama's abortion policies but also praising the good

Obama has done for our country and the historical context of his election. Jenkins's stance is that in inviting Obama to Notre Dame he is intitating dialogue, a true facet of change. He quotes our beloved Pope John Paul II by saying, a Catholic university should be, “a primary and privileged place for a fruitful dialogue between the Gospel and culture.” Fr. Jenkins and Provost Burish also celebrated the accomplishments of former University of Notre Dame President Fr. Theodore Hesburgh and his historical and infamious involvement in the civil rights movement. Jenkins and Burish honored Obama with a copy of the infamous image of Dr. King with Fr. Hesburgh, "the minister and the priest."

Father Jenkins goes on to quote the Vatican Council, "Respect and love ought to be extended also to those who think or act differently than we do in social, political and even religious matters. In fact, the more deeply we come to understand their ways of thinking through such courtesy and love, the more easily will we be able to enter into dialogue with them." That is a powerful, compelling defense.

Of course the opposition was vehement. Mr. Randall Terry has a particularly distasteful website that remarks,"Would you invite Pilate after he condemned Christ?" First of all let's get our facts straight. Pontius Pilate washed his hands of Jesus Christ's death sentence. Matthew 27: 23-27 clearly states, " 'I [Pilate] am innocent of this man's blood. Look to it yourselves.' And the whole people said in reply, 'His blood be upon us and upon our children.' " Mr. Terry I urge you to reread your Bible.

Second of all, yes it is important that we recognize and voice our opinion that Obama's pro-choice policies are wrong. Yet it is equally important that we recognize all the good that Obama has and will do for our country. And that dignity is paramount in our Catholic tradition.

I could go on to write about the hypocrisy of there having been no controversy surrounding President Bush's reception of an honorary degree from the University of Notre Dame given the death toll of the Iraqi war he commissioned. We may not turn a blind eye to the babies that have died because of Obama's policies but what about the 4,296 adult casualties that have occurred in Iraq? War, especially premptive war, is also inconsistent with our Catholic pro-life doctrine.

The true victory here is that the University of Notre Dame, THE Catholic institution, engaged our pro-life President in a sincere dialogue about abortion and held him accountable for his thoughts and policies. In a sincere and gracious manner, the University of Notre Dame did in fact challenge President Obama. And we also established that we are all on the same team as Christian Americans. Obama stated, "So let us work together to reduce the number of women seeking abortions, let's reduce unintended pregnancies. Let's make adoption more available. Let's provide care and support for women who do carry their children to term. Let's honor the conscience of those who disagree with abortion, and draft a sensible conscience clause, and make sure that all of our health care policies are grounded not only in sound science, but also in clear ethics, as well as respect for the equality of women.Those are things we can do." We may have yet to win the war, but clearly, today, we won a battle against abortion.

At the end of the day hopefully Father Jenkins and President Obama have taught us two important lessons. We cannot let a single ideological difference, no matter how fundamental, overshadow the reality of our similarities. And we cannot achieve a common ground without dialogue between opposing parties. The irony of this controversy is that the vigilante pro-lifers were in fact fighting against this momentual occasion that in fact brought Catholics one step closer to to ending abortion, in a truly dignifed fashion. WE ARE ND! GOBAMA!

Check our Fr. Jenkins's speech and Obama's speech.

Let's Talk About Sex...

2009-05-07T22:23:00.000-07:00

So I'm remounting my theological soap box. I have to admit sexuality has been at the forefront of my thoughts as I am currently discerning my vocation. Here is a reflection I just wrote I am thinking of adding to my piece on human sexuality.

Chastity is such a seemingly outrageous concept. Or at least not a practical one. We reason that post pubescent kids have raging hormones. They shouldn't be forced to suppress them.

I know when I was a teenager, I was so excited to have a boy like me, I would have licked the underside of his shoes if he had asked me to. And it wasn't because I was weak willed or had low self esteem. I was a straight "A" student who had a strong sense of self. I knew I wasn't going to have sex but the gray area seemed very appealing.

There is a C.S. Lewis quote from Screwtape Letters that sums up the human condition very accurately, "They constantly forget...that they are animals and that whatever their bodies do affects their souls..." We have to always be acutely aware of two things: all of our actions have consequences and that we truly do not know the best way to conduct ourselves. That is why we must look to the Lord for guidance. And when we do, we open ourselves up to the opportunity of true and sincere joy. But if we make the mistake of thinking that we know best, then we muddle into the gray area of over indulgence.

Humans are so much more than sexual beings. And that is not to demonize sex. Of course it is a healthy, happy, wonderful exercise that not only enables us to become one with another human being, but to also create life. It is a pleasure. And you have to look to your moral compass to determine when and with whom you should partake in that pleasure.

As a Christian I truly don't believe you can justify sex before marriage. I hesitate to even type that sentence because I know I will alienate a lot of good Christian readers when I make such a bold statement. The truth is that I pass no judgement and that I truly believe everyone has the right to make their own decisions. But nonetheless, I do believe in truth and right and wrong and I think that present day Christians sell themselves short in acceptance of pre-marital sex. We are so much more than sexual beings. It is not only entirely within our capabilities to abstain from sex, but I truly believe that we will be happier, healthier more well adjusted people for doing so.

Sexual activity needs to be scrutinized. Many Christians, especially Catholics, are justifying a lot of sexual activity that "doesn't count as sex." I'll let you use your imagine to know what practices I am referring to. And I think these actions not only cheapen the beauty of sex but they are so hypocritical because the entire point of abstinence is to build moral fiber by exercising self control. Refusing to use another human being purely for sexual release celebrates their God given dignity. And of course there are people who are in loving, committed relationships who have sex as an expression of their love. But don't you ask yourself why you would do that before you would honor that commitment and vow to uphold it forever in front of the Lord, your family and friends?

There is another C.S. Lewis quote from Screwtape Letters that states, "When He [God] talks of their losing their selves, He means only abandoning the clamour of self-will; once they have done that, He really gives them back all their personality, and boasts (I am afraid, sincerely) that when they are wholly His they will be more themselves than ever." I love this quote because I think it has the unique perspective of celebrating obedience. In this day and age so many people feel lost and depressed and they struggle to find their way on their own. Lewis reminds us that if we relinquish control and let the Lord guide us, we then discover the most sincere expression of our personality and our most true self. Arrested Development so eloquently echoed this sentiment in Tennessee when they sang, "I know you're supposed to be my steering wheel, not just my spare tire."

As I step down from my soap box, I just want to clarify I am truly writing this reflection on a tough subject to open up dialogue, and I would be happy to hear the thoughts of those who disagree with my assertions.

love, love, love,

pcb

SAVE THE CHILDREN !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-05-06T10:32:00.000-07:00

I've been blogging on some heavy topics lately, and I will continue to do so, but for today I decided to lighten up my repertoire.

STOP DRINKING MILK!!!!!!!!!! Well you don't have to stop drinking it completely. Lord knows soy ice cream doesn't hold a candle to dairy. Just stop drinking milk in large quantities. The dairy companies have led us to believe that milk is a super food that will enable us to have strong healthy bones and regulate weight. This is not the case. We need to learn more about the adverse results of drinking milk and stop shoveling it down kid's throats.

Just from a practical point of view, it is pretty bizarre to drink another animal's milk. Webster defines milk as,"A fluid secreted by the mammary glands of females for the nourishment of their young." Last time I checked humans aren't kin to calves.

Digging even further one will find that cow's milk is pretty nasty. Two UC Berkely students wrote "Milk, Doing Your Body Good?", an objective study on milk consumption. They found,
"Many dairy producers use rBGH as a way to increase milk production in their cows, resulting in up to 20% more production. However, the hormone causes udder inflammation in cows, which can lead to the contamination of the milk from secreted pus...also antibiotics used to treat inflammation have been discovered in trace amounts in the milk." YUM!

In her article "White Poison " Shanti Rangwani states, "Almost 90 percent of African Americans and most Latinos, Asians, and Southern Europeans lack the genes necessary to digest lactose, the primary sugar in milk...Lactose intolerance is the most common "food allergy," but to call it an allergy is to take a white-centric view that trivializes the fact that most of the world's people are not biologically designed to digest milk." Rangwani makes a good point, are our bodies intolerant to milk or is it just not natural to digest?

The controversy. So if milk is so bad why does every food pyramid encourage us to drink it? Well unfortunately the dairy industry stands to loose a great deal of money if we were to stop consuming milk in large quantities. This January the National Dairy Council stated, "Milk contains nine essential nutrients, making it one of the most nutrient-rich beverages you can enjoy. Just one 8-ounce serving of milk puts you well on your way to meeting the Daily Value (recommended intake for those on a 2,000 calorie diet) for calcium, riboflavin and other key nutrients..."

Funny story.

This January the Physicians Committee for Responsible Medicine stated, "Milk’s main selling point is calcium, and milk-drinking is touted for building strong bones in children and preventing osteoporosis in older persons. However, clinical research shows that dairy products have little or no benefit for bones...Milk and dairy products are not necessary in the diet and can, in fact, be harmful to health."

I'm gonna go ahead and side with the doctors over the dairy farmers on this issue.

The Body of Christ

2009-04-13T07:45:00.000-07:00

There is a growing trend of spiritual people who are frustrated with organized religion and no longer see the necessity of church. I have never been able to separate the church from my understanding of the divine, yet I have never turned a blind eye to the atrocities the leaders of the church have committed.

As a Catholic I am saddened and frustrated by the sexual abuse scandals, the manipulative abortion propaganda, the list goes on. And the Catholic church is not alone. The Shia Muslims have misrepresented their religion worldwide. Along with the hypocritical protestant minsters with Hummers. There is truly no shortage of corruption.

But much like my allegiance to my country, I have too much invested in church to even entertain the notion of leaving. When my country shamefully bombed Iraq, I was beyond angry and I felt alienated. And when we "reelected" Bush I truly contemplated moving to Canada. For a moment I thought all hope was lost. But then I evaluated my frustrations. Why was I so angry and hurt? The answer was because my country had strayed so far from our constitution.

And that was my moment of clarity. My problem was not with my country. I was not the only one who could see the fallacy of our actions. My problem was with my country's administration. And as soon as I was able to separate my country from my country's administration, I realized I had an obligation to stay. Dissidents are the means of change. If we leave, who will stay and defend our constitution?

Our religious education must function in the same way. Although we may possess a wealth of knowledge, we cannot teach ourselves everything we need to know. We trust others to bestow knowledge upon us. And we have found methods of testing that knowledge. We must use that same model for church, and our test is our Bible and our creed.

I liken my allegiance to my country to my allegiance to my church. Worshiping the Lord with others is a truly phenomenal experience. As humans we need the organization and administration to keep us on the right path.When our country screws up anarchy may seem appealing, but clearly it is not effective. People need structure and leadership in order to realize our common goals. The same is true for church. Although it may seem that we can be more devout and orthodox on our own, we need leaders for support and guidance. And we need sane people to continuously challenge those leaders and keep them on the right track.

The glory of the Lord is not defined by humanity's ability to fulfill the Lord's will. We cannot separate God from Church. Church is not only the manifestation of the Holy Spirit, but it is the Body of Christ.

As a creative extrovert my life has not been linear, to say the least. I cling to my moments of clarity because they really enable me to focus and continually move forward, even in my sporadic zig-zag fashion. In all my struggles of trying to do things my own way, I have lost momentum and often felt lost. When I moved home and found quiet and time, I was then able to remove the clutter and hear the Lord calling me. And the guidance of the Church has inspired me to listen to the Lord through the Bible and prayer, and I am finally feeling focused. C.S. Lewis states, very accurately and eloquently, "When He [God] talks of their losing their selves, He only means abandoning the clamour of self-will; once they have done that, He really gives them back all their personality, and boasts (I am afraid, sincerely) that when they are wholly His they will be more themselves than ever." Amazing. Glory be to God!
-pcb

AIDS, Catholicism, and Black Folk...

2009-04-02T09:22:00.000-07:00

I thought the recent outcries against Pope Benedict's stance against condom distribution in Cameroon makes a nice segue from my discussion of Bénin.

Particularly in the black community, worldwide, AIDS is an epidemic. I think that many people view the pope's stance as an irresponsible and unrealistic solution to an out of control problem. But as with all issues, we must dig deeper.

Clearly condoms are easily aaccessible in America, but AIDS continues to plague Black America. In a recent study, ABC's Peter Jennings reports, "Black Americans make up 13 percent of the U.S. population but account for over 50 percent of all new cases of HIV, the virus that causes AIDS. That infection rate is eight times the rate of whites. Among women, the numbers are even more shocking--- almost 70 percent of all newly diagnosed HIV-positive women in the United States are black women. Black women are 23 times more likely to be diagnosed with AIDS than white women, with heterosexual contact being the overwhelming method of infection in black America."
http://abcnews.go.com/Primetime/story?id=2346857

Jennings goes on to explain that this problem is most likely a direct result of the disproportionate amount of black men in prison. Many men are raped in prison and then come home and spread the disease. Condom distribution is not an effective way to stop this sort of transmission. Clearly rape prevents condom usage, and then the likelihood of men who have sexual encounters after exiting prison using condoms is also low.

The problem in Africa is very similar. Rape is still a serious issue, especially among the African community that lives in remote villages. During my work in Africa, I saw first hand that young girls get raped on a regular basis. Men can transmit disease from women to women, because in polygamous situations men have multiple wives who typically cannot refuse sex.

The Director of Harvard's HIV Prevention Research Project came out in support of the pope's stance in a recent BBC Interview. Dr. Edward Green made it clear that he was not Catholic and was not taking a moral stance, but based on scientific research he found, “there is not a single country in Africa where HIV prevalence has come down primarily because of condoms."

He goes on to comment, “We now see HIV going down in about eight or nine countries in Africa and in every case, we see a decrease in the proportion of men and women who report having more than one sex partner in the past year. So, when the pope said that the answer really lies in monogamy and marital faithfulness, that’s exactly what we found empirically." http://www.irishtimes.com/newspaper/world/2009/0330/1224243690652.html

Much like in America, scientifically speaking, condom distribution is not an effective way to combat AIDS.

One thing I love about being Catholic is church's affirmation of the sacred nature of sex. I think all too often in our culture we practice rampant overindulgence of food, money, goods and sex. And regardless of one's religious affiliation, I think we can all agree that our bodies are precious cargo. We deserve better than to become some one's mammalian sexual release or to treat others as such.

Holding sex in high esteem enables one to have a more global, and I would argue responsible, stance on issues relating to sex such as birth control and disease. Education, as with most issues, is the key to lasting success. We must empower the African population, both in America and Africa, to combat rape and educate people on the risk of engaging in promiscuous sex. That, in my opinion, is the only way to truly combat this epidemic.

Le Bénin de l'Afrique

2009-03-27T11:17:00.000-07:00

It's hard to say which place influenced or changed me more, France or Africa. It's quite possible that I was a different person when I returned home from Angers, and then a different person again after returning home from Africa.

Africa was a much more emotional endeavor than France. I had wanted to travel to Africa my entire life. Like many other southern African Americans, I have very limited information about my exact country of origin. I've always wanted to go to Africa to explore my heritage.

Notre Dame offered a service project located in Bénin, Africa. Bénin is in French west Africa and is believed to be the country that deported the most slaves to America. Its main port, Cotonou has an outdoor museum/monumental to the slave trade. It is incredible.

The Bénin project was a cultural video exchange between Béninese and American children from South Bend, Indiana. The children created videos to illustrate their everyday life and my partner and I edited and created subtitles for the videos and presented them to their respective audiences.

It was amazing to watch the children express themselves. My partner Beth and I also took our own videos of the children. Here is a example of an impromptu cultural gathering in Bénin where the children showed off their mad dancing skills.

Living in Bénin was very difficult for me. I struggled a lot with watching the people, especially the children, live in poverty. I also surprised myself by how accustomed I was to comforts. It was very difficult for me to use a latrine and sleep in a hut with rats and bats. And although I loved taking cold showers outside in the sun, I found myself longing for a hot shower as well.

But at the end of the day I was inspired by the children of Bénin. Living in a tiny, remote village they were so motivated to change the world. These children faced serious issues each and every day. The majority of them did not have enough to eat on a regular basis, or ate unsatisfying food with little to no nutritional value. The teachers told us that some children even passed out from hunger in class.

Despite these challenges the children had a real thirst for knowledge and worked hard and dreamed of pursuing professional careers. They also dreamed of meeting other children from other countries. They were so full of love and ambition. I truly believe they are the answer to international diplomacy. Before traveling to Bénin, I never planned on working with children professionally, but now I cannot imagine doing anything else.

american media :(

2009-03-12T11:45:00.000-07:00

The beauty of this blog business is that I get to rant, right? Well I don't want to get too sidetracked because I really want my blog to be a celebration of humanity and the Earth, BUT I wouldn't be pcb if I could keep my big mouth shut, so from time to time I will have to diverge on a few tangents. That being said...

Apparently Rachael Ray was on ABC's Nightline last week and they brought up "racy" photos of her that were in FHM magazine. Ray's response was, "And I thought, 'If I'm gutsy enough to do this, this is a good thing for everybody. This is the everywoman, here she is,' she added. "And I did it, and it was the most scared I've ever been, and I wouldn't change a thing. I'd do it again tomorrow."

WHAT???? Every woman???? Does Ray not realize that in one fatal swoop she not only objectified herself, but reaffirmed the sexist stereotypes that a woman should not only perform household chores, but do so in stilettos? She was literally wearing stilettos! As a young woman how can I not be disappointed?

I know that I am more than my sexual appeal and I wish to be celebrated for my talents! And don't get me wrong I don't think there is anything wrong with celebrating the beauty of the female form, but if you can honestly say that you find objectifying lingerie beautiful, then maybe you should reexamine your standards of beauty.

To every woman who strives to be appreciated as a person, Rachael Ray did a huge disservice.

While I'm on a roll I want to comment on the Chris Brown/Rhianna mess. Upon first hearing this story I was not only saddened and frustrated for Rhianna's sake, but for every black tween in America that looks up to, and sadly continues to look up, this couple as role models. When I asked some of the young black girls in Chicago (I used to work with them in an after school program) their thoughts, they replied, "Don't hate on Christ Brown!!! He's still my boy!!!"

He's still my boy...and apparently other people share this sentiment as well...Terrence Howard and T.I. both came out in defense of Chris Brown, http://www.hollyscoop.com/chris-brown/ti-and-terrence-howard-retract-chris-brown-comments_19288.aspx. Yet when the media ripped them apart, they couldn't back track quickly enough! AND we then find out that Terrence Howard himself has a history of domestic abuse, http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/thedishrag/2009/02/after-chris-bro.html.

Before I go burn my copies of "Hustle and Flow", "Iron Man" and "PaperTrail" I want to express my frustration. I hope that the media stops criticizing Rhianna for reconciling with Chris Brown. The last thing a domestic violence victim needs to feel is isolation. Rhianna needs to feel supported so that she gains the confidence to explore her other options. And who can blame her, when so many people are either defending her boyfriend or sweeping his actions under the rug, where can she find the strength to leave?

It's 2009, one of the most powerful women in TV joyfully sheds her clothes for a soft-core porn magazine and a young black man publicly beats his girlfriend and continues to be celebrated as a pop star. Woe is me.

seriously?

2009-03-11T21:01:00.000-07:00

I saw a disturbing independent film called “Diary of a Tired Black Man.” I don’t even know where to begin to explain all the reasons why it pissed me off. That being said I think that the movie did a good job in sparking relationship debates in the black community and discussing relevant and pressing issues that need to be addressed. Yet it approached these issues in such a misogynistic manner I wonder if it will do more harm than good. The director/writer, Tim Alexander blames black women for harboring anger towards black men. He coins the term “Angry Black Woman Syndrome.” I didn’t consider myself an angry black woman until I heard his ignorant diagnosis, and then, yes, I became VERY angry. Alexander basically says that relationship issues in the black community stem from black women causing too much “drama” and inflicting unnecessary pain on black men. This all comes from a lack of a father figure and the anger is unfairly released onto any and every black male in the woman’s life, including her children.

Given my experience this couldn’t be further from the truth. There are countless black women who support their entire families and single black mothers who do a phenomenal job raising their kids on their own. I think that this director is in fact suffering from “Angry Black Man Syndrome” and is hypocritically projecting his frustration towards certain women on an entire race and sex. He has a bitter tirade of men that spout off about how “black women always…” They blame issues that clearly transcend race and gender, and have more to do with environment, culture and upbringing, onto black women. It is hurtful and shameful.

Clearly there is no shortage of people that spread hateful propaganda about the African-American race. Black people really do have a responsibility to support one another and uphold and uplift our community. If there is a pressing problem we should objectively outline its root and develop systematic resolutions as opposed to blaming one another in hopes of motivating people to change.

This movie is truly a disgrace, but if you are curious check it out: http://www.tiredblackman.com/

mah video

2009-03-11T19:07:00.000-07:00

just in case you haven't seen it yet...

please comment on the video on youtube!

LA FRANCE

2009-03-10T22:18:00.000-07:00

So here's a brief history of one the two places that have really inspired me thus far. Excluding Tennessee of course. Spending my sophomore year in Angers, France was definitely one of my greatest adventures. I really had to leave America to gain a deeper understanding of both myself and my country. I have always been fascinated with travel and languages so I knew I would be studying abroad before I was even accepted into Notre Dame. What I didn't know was that I would grow so close to so many wonderful people, both French and American, and that my global view would be fundamentally changed, for the better.

Chez Les Bertons: I lived in Angers with my host family Xavier and Sophie Berton. They had a delightful son who loved to smoke pot and play the drums at early hours in the morning. He was recently kicked out of college and looking into boat-making school. Xavier took an interest in myself and my cello. He loved classical music and asked me to play for himself and Sophie. Sophie had a hard time wrapping her head about the concept that I didn't eat meat. "Not even a little bit?" she would ask. Les Bertons also kept a guinea pig in their kitchen...

Travel Buddies: I grew close to a lot of kids in France, but Marissa, Aimee, and Mary definitely top the list and were my most frequent travel companions. I could always count on them for adventures in France as well as Italy, Switzerland, and England. Marissa and I seemed to get into a lot of trouble with French men. We had many an adventure escaping from African immigrants that professed their love to us. My favorite memory with Marissa is travelling to Belle Ile en Mer, the beautiful French island. We shared a beach house with other delightful domers (Molly, Gena, and Emilie) and had a fantastic time biking and exploring the beach and hilly mountainous landscape. Its really hard to pinpoint one memory with Aimee and Mary, but the one that comes to mind now is when we were navigating the subway in Italy. We were trying to communicate with someone to ask them for directions but none of us spoke Italian. Then we asked "French?" "No." "English?" "No." "Spanish?" Mary asks. "No." "That's all we got!"

Pardon?: Aimee, Mary, and I often ran into trouble when we tried to introduce ourselves. Well I ran into trouble really, because no one could pronounce my name. It's funny because I have the most anglo-saxon name a black girl could ask for, and never before in my life had anyone had any trouble whatsoever saying my name. In France it was a different story because the proximity of the constants "r" and "t" proved to be a tongue twister. The closest most people came to saying "Courtney" was "Conee." So when I was introduced alongside Aimme and Mary it was always, "Aimee, Marie, et.....Pardon?" Pardon being French for "Excuse me?" So then my nickname quickly became Pardon.

I'll write most about Angers and La France as I continue to post pictures...

REWIND

2009-03-10T21:50:00.001-07:00

I just applied for the STA world travel internship. I'm very excited about the opportunity to travel and encourage others to experience the world. This internship has also inspired me to start a blog, because I've been journaling old school my whole life and I want to join everyone else in the 21st century. So I will start out by highlighting important events that have already taken place and then onward bound.

I will also take this opportunity to post excepts from my philosophical writing, so input is welcome and encouraged!

love and blessings,

pcb